Thoughts on Cancer and Long Covid - by Tracy White

​"I have thought very carefully about whether to commit my thoughts to words on a very public forum knowing the danger of negativity towards me, please allow me the time without judgement to share my feelings as this does not just apply to me but to so many silent voices you will never hear..."
- Tracy White

​Long covid are words we have heard mentioned over the past months, how people remain fatigued, vast health issues both physical & mental and how they do not know how long this will last and those affected need long term support. Many of those affected are given the time both on tv & other media sources to discuss this and make the public aware.

Cancer is a killer, devastates families all over the world, causes heartbreak and leaves tiny babies and children without a parent and the pain & fear of watching the demise of the person you love will stay with you forever in your mind. However science has found ways to prolong life, give the ones you love more precious time to make memories you can hold in your  forever and no words could ever be spoken to show the gratitude felt by so many.

But what so few realise unless they have been touched by cancer in their life is that like long covid cancer has lifetime effects on an individual. Chemotherapy poisons the whole body in its attempt to kill those rogue cells that have matched like soldiers around you. For some the physical appearances of your body that define you as a woman are gone and the scars that cover your body are the permanent battle medals of your fight.   Men are mentally scarred by the physical effects on their bodies as they can no longer be the man that they were and that can change their life forever. ​

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Sickness, steroids that blow you up like a balloon, tender sore joints making it hard to even want to move and don’t even start on the feeling of shaving your head when you start to see your pillow covered in your hair and your hand full of your hair if you run your fingers through it. Trying to smile and seem ok when people see you for the very first time bald as a coot the look on their face as they try not to laugh or show embarrassment. Stepping out of the security of home the first time with your scarf or hat on wishing you could hide until it’s over. 
Radiotherapy can last for months and be required every day of those months, exhausting you with every single dose. It can burn the skin, change the skin colour, leave the skin sore and split so you are hardly even able to touch it let alone cream it for relief.  

The years spent visiting the hospital to see your Oncologist for your check-ups praying any new lump or bump is nothing to worry about. Scans on your body to check for those cells that marched and hid so avoided the poisoning by chemotherapy, the constant fear and anxiety trying so hard not to show it and listening to people tell you ‘your fine the cancer is gone now!’ But is it...you are never sure it’s not coming back as it’s got lots of places to hide until it’s ready to start a new battle.
 
Just like long covid your body is never the same again, fatigue stays with you forever, you may never return to your normality again. The chemotherapy has damaged your body to save your life, you can be left with little or no immunity so you are forever at risk of infections. It can permanently damage teeth casing them to break, gums can be permanently damaged, your bones can be permanently affected, the ‘brain fog’ never goes so you cannot always find the right words and your memory is never as sharp, all in all your body never fully recovers and the ‘you’ before is not the ‘you’ again so you have to embrace the ‘new you’ no matter how much you want the ‘you’ back again! But you get told your still alive so be grateful...yes so true without doubt at all and we are grateful we really are but we will never stop mourning who we were because our life has changed forever.

My concern however is that the NHS is not sufficiently funded to support the lives they save from cancer. They try so very hard but particularly now with a pandemic it’s harder than ever. It’s all about money as is always the case and cancer is still changing lives everyday despite the pandemic but the NHS is not even able to save all the lives from cancer as the hospitals do not have the space or staff for both. Nobody should ever have to choose between life or death we are all people who deserve to live and be well without hesitation. 

So I now hear that the first centre to support those with long covid has been set up and I celebrate the support for those affected as they too want the ‘you’ they were back and to not have to struggle. Yes the Country needs these people to be well and to support the Country in the future with taxes so I am not being negative towards those affected but my question is what about the long term effects of cancer? The NHS and the Government have known for years the long term effects of cancer on our bodies and minds but there has never been funding found to support those affected. It’s been almost 10 years since I faced my battle and I face my mental and physical scars every single day and I know through my cancer support of so many who walk the same road. The emotional damage is not with you every day as you can put it to the back of your mind but it’s never gone. Anxiety is dangerous as it affects every part of you and is recognised as a mental health condition and yet support is hard to access as funding has never been adequate over years and years. 

So ultimately I am asking everyone to read this and understand that yes the pandemic is very serious and every single death is beyond heart breaking. Yes long covid is a fact and yes those affected need support without question. It’s being mentioned constantly in the media so everyone is becoming aware of it and feels such heartbreak for those living with it myself included. However just because you don’t hear it every day please don’t forget those who have fought and survived cancer, we too are suffering long term affects it’s real and it’s a fact. We are struggling every day and some are even classed as terminal due to secondary cancer from those rogue cells but they can live with help from medication. They fight every single day silently struggling with the emotional effects of the long term battle. You don’t know who they are, they don’t wear a badge or even look ill but they are there and they are real!

​Tracy Jane White (Mrs) 
Cancer survivor
Founder/Chairperson of SCARS (Stalbridge Cancer & Recovery Support)
www.scarscancersupport.co.uk
[email protected]